Enter the forest

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 “You enter the forest
at the darkest point,
where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
it is someone else’s path.

You are not on your own path.

If you follow someone else’s way,
you are not going to realize
your potential.”

― Joseph Campbell

 

 

 

After much deliberation and some not-so-gentle prodding from The Universe, I've made myself vulnerable, open and ready and will be working with the life coach with whom I spoke on Wednesday.

Whoa. 

We had a wonderful first meeting - I have never had a problem with self-disclosure yet I found myself moving deeper into what feels like the true me. Now, this is a part of myself that I have very little experience with. Well, maybe I have more experience with her than I let myself take credit for.  She was there when I birthed my children and held them in my arms, she was there when my father died, she was there last night while I lay in the arms of my husband. I told Cherie that my wish and deepest was not to continue to exist as a shadow of myself.  

Last summer I went to a solstice celebration at Guru Ram Das Puri in New Mexico.  As I was introducing myself to my partner for white tantric I realized that I was giving her labels; I wasn't giving her me. 

Let's see, here are some of the ways that I have identified myself:

mom, wife, ICU Nurse, ER Nurse, student, yoga teacher, a student of yoga, sacred geometry, metaphysics, a one time recovering alcoholic and addict, a person in therapy, arm candy, a hippie, a goth, an artist, a person who has lived on a commune, a runaway, a high school dropout, an outsider, a rebel, a surfer, a poet, a painter, a person on the path, a homebirther, an attachment parent, a vegan, a vegetarian, a paleo, a runner, a cyclist, a revolutionary communist, a democrat, a chef, a student pilot, a person who has soloed in an airplane, a whore, a misfit, a retail store manager, a want to be gardener, a student herbalist, a student doula, a person in service, a follower, a leader, a wantobe rockclimber, a reluctant naturalist, a mountainbiker, an avid reader, a book hoarder, a control freak, OCD, ADD, depressed, empty....

It's interesting to me to write this list.  I've had so many experiences.  

I'm looking for my own path - the big question is how do I integrate all the changes that have occurred inside me due to these experiences? Who is in the middle of this?